Lately, in November..

Lately,
I have been wondering,

If I was gone, will you notice my absence?

If I had tears in my eyes, will you be there to wipe them off?

If I had drown in the sea, will you hear my screams?

If I left the world, will you ever treasure our memories together?

If I went away, will you miss me? 

If I got lost, will you come and look for me?

If I got cut, will you notice my wounds?

If I had words to say, will you listen without a judgement?

If I had shut myself off from the world, will you come knocking on my door?

Because,
Lately,
I have been feeling,

A little low,
A little sad,
A little lonely,

A sense that you don't care about me anymore,
A sense that it wouldn't really make a difference if I disappear from the world today,

A tugging pain in my heart that our friendship is not how it used to be,
A haunting thought that I may have lost something I was called my family,
A scary thought that I may never feel like belonged ever again,

Most of all, an anxiety that this pain may never, ever go away.