"I feel so small, in a world so big,
Yet here I am, running wild for your smile"
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It was never there, it was never supposed to be there. But somehow here it is today, forever yearning for that grin of yours. Before I knew it, my feelings for you have started to develop. Baby, you amaze me in ways that I've never realized.
But how could I be falling for you, when I knew right from the beginning of the year, that you were in love in some other girl? She's so much prettier, so much funnier and so much lovelier. She's so extraordinarily beautiful and I'm just too ordinary. What have I got against her?
I felt a little sad when I saw you running off to the sidewalk to be with her. I felt a little sad because it seems like you have been so wont to neglect me to be with her anytime. I felt a little sad because I know I will never appear beautiful in your eyes. I felt a little sad because I know that you will never leave a space in your heart for me to fill. I felt a little sad because as much as I put on this little smile on me, I just wanted to be with you.
But how could I blame you? We have grown so close and we both knew that we were never going to get past the friendship stage, but somehow my heart did. And now, it is breaking. Your name keeps echoing, and my heart keeps stinging.
When did I ever start liking you? When did this even happen? Why do I let my heart mess things up again? Why do I keep falling for the wrong boys? How can I be falling for you when I know things are going to end up being a mess?
You keep telling me how beautiful she is. You told me how your heart just stopped whenever you glance at her. You told me how much you love her and how you wish you could find ways to convey your love for her. You told me how heartbroken you are and how jealous you get when she's with another boy. You told me you confessed to her. The way you talk about her, I can tell that she paints this little infinity in your world. I can tell that you love her. The way you talk about her, I will never stand a chance to be in your heart.
I was okay with it. In fact, I was genuinely happy for you. As time passed, my feelings for you started to blossom before I even came to realize it. But I fake a smile and tell you how happy I am for you when in fact, it kind of hurts. Whenever you tell me how inferior you feel, I wish I could just tell you how amazing you truly are. Whenever you tell me how ordinary you are compared to him, I wish I could tell you that I would choose you anytime, if only you would let me.
I'd probably never tell you. I treasure this little infinity we have, even though I know I might be just your back up friend. I loved our endless chats when we would just spill our secrets and insecurities. I loved driving in your car and asking you how are you not gay when you have so many sisters. I loved watching you freak out when I drove your car, asking you which one is the accelerator. I loved watching you smile with glee whenever you see me and come running after me to start telling me your day. I loved watching your eyes light up in delight when we went out to buy japanese goodies. I loved the warmth of your hand when you helped me balance myself when I couldn't get up.
I can't bear to give our friendship up. I can't bear to risk it because I can't bear to lose it.
I love it when your lips curl up into that perfect arch, beaming the most beautiful smile ever. I love it when you close your eyes in the midst chuckling at whatever lame jokes I randomly cracked.
But I can't be falling for you, I really can't.
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