If Only

You know what hurts the most? When someone you really care about treats you so small. When your feelings are so insignificant to his heart, that he was so eager to crush it just to get something out of it. 

When he was so full of himself at that moment, he didn't even think twice about the feelings he knew that I harbored for him.

-

The moment after that, he didn't even realized how much it broke my heart. He didn't even know that I stormed off to the bathroom to cry my heart out after watching him confessing his love to this girl that I knew, that was so much more gorgeous than I am. I tried blocking it out, but yet I could not stop watching. But as each second passed, as I watched him got more and more cozy with her, my heart could not stop aching. Tears were flooding in my eyes. Before I knew it, I was at the corner of the bathroom, crying for a boy who barely ever notices me.

Boy, if only you knew.

If only you knew about the sleepless nights I had when you found out about me liking you, wishing that you'd felt the same way.
If only you knew how much I thought about you everyday even when I don't see you.
If only you knew about all of the days when I saw you dressed your best and how my heart just ran wild because you looked so damn cute.
If only you knew how much I longed for your blue eyes when I don't see you for awhile.
If only you knew how nervous I get when you come and talk to me, and how pathetic I always act only because I wanted you to like me (only to make a complete fool of myself that same night).
If only you knew about the days when I watched you doing your work at the library, admiring how adorable your face looks when you are all focused and concentrated.
If only you knew how crazy my heart beats when you grinned at me.
If only you knew how much courage it took for me to give you those chocolates for your birthday.
If only you knew how ecstatic I get when I got to talk to you.
If only you knew how much being around you can just simply make my day.
If only you knew how often I dreamed of you liking me back.

If only you knew how much you broke my heart when I saw you with her that one night.
If only you knew how much tears I shed for you.

-

But you'd never know.

That hurts but that's okay. Because as of today, I am getting over you. You're not what I thought you were. But that's okay, because you never noticed me anyway.

As of today, I am cutting you off my life.

But that probably doesn't matter to you, does it?