Lies

"But I'd be lying if I told you I didn't care."

It is an undeniably fact that most teenagers are always embroiled with that constant thought that their friendships define their happiness. It is almost second nature to them, unconsciously. Shamefully to say, I am one of them as well, as much as I try to shoot it down with my words. The truth is, I get torn over them.

And sometimes a little too much for my own good.

The growth of social media irritates me to no end. I scrolled down my news feed and get caught up with pictures of my friends hanging out during lunch without me. I shrug it off and pretend that I don't care. I mean, I'm not even that close with them so why should I really care? I never knew some of the people there existed, so why should they value my presence as well? Some of them are probably a bitch anyway.

But then there will be another voice echoing in my head. How come you are not nurturing friendships like this in your college? What happens when at the end of the year all of your college friends elope on a vacation and you're stuck in your room all alone because no one ever truly care about you to call you out? It is these fears of the known that scares me.

College is a lonely cave for me. Some people say that they care, and sometimes I believe them, but there will always be something that comes up and prove me all wrong again. There will always be something that tells me their words were merely an accessory to our conversation. Nobody is truly genuine here. Nobody truly cares. I've learned to not trust people too easily. I've learned to not build my trust around my fickle college friends anymore. How do I nurture real friendships when there are already so much doubts to begin with?