So many questions, so much to say.

Sometimes I wonder if I would feel more alive than I do now, if I drop dead right now? Because being alive could feel so empty, so dead, so cold that sometimes I just want to run away. 

Because sometimes I wonder what am I really chasing for? Is life worth fighting for? They keep telling me that someday beauty will finally triumph in life. But what is the real price that I have to pay for beauty? Is beauty worth draining my emotional welfare, my physical strength and my health?

How would you feel if something you gingerly built up for eons decide to crumble, only to make it a hundred times harder, to build up again? Why do you bring it up although you knew that my emotions were gonna fall apart listening to that first word of it?

What do I really want? Why am I trying so hard? I feel like I'm falling off the edge. I feel like giving up. The end of my journey feels too long. The end of my journey doesn't seem beautiful enough to stay. I feel like I'm at the end now.

I feel like running to the end now. When will it finally end? Could the end fulfill my dead emptiness?

Help me, help, help, help.